Jaws

I saw Jaws for the first time last night. People who have had the pleasure of seeing it previously warned me: "You'll never go in the fucking water again!" They would scream. Then laugh delightedly, proud of the fact a major motion picture has kept them from sticking a toe into opaque ocean.

It was not "scary." It was fucking awesome. However, Jaws is not a "good" movie. The cinema crowd would not put it up there with La Strada or any other Existential head-up-ass film. But it is certainly not among the ranks of Earnest Goes to Camp. Certainly not.

It's corny and contrived and funny as hell. You really couldn't ask for a better time.

Even from the beginning, you have the first shark attack scene with the naked blonde flailing about in the water screaming "it hurts!" Her pathetic cries for help and her frantic thrashing are, well, comical.

And of course Robert Shaw as the jaded deep-sea fisherman who helped deliver the Hiroshima bomb back in his youth and has seen men in the water dying all around him. Physically and emotionally scarred! He is ominous as hell and gives off the perfect cheesy cinematic mysterious air. He can wield a harpoon like nobodies business.

All in all my favorite character was the shark because it didn't follow any goddamn rules and liked to prey on people who probably just would have ended up old and wheezy hooked up o a respirator anyway. At least the attackees are forced to confront their own humanity before they end up in shark belly and the mourners are forced to feel real goddamn emotion.

I would have been content if the shark just ate everybody and left the jaded fisherman.