Sans Ecole

So, I don't have school today. Working on my last assignments before Graduation are about the last things I want to be doing.

I did finish my Finnish project - but I am now at the tedious point of having to do my bibliography. I was very stupid and did not make one as I went along in my research. Fool.

I also have to work on my term paper on Kerouac. I do love him, really really love him. BUT I am not in the mood to write a 12 page paper on his influence (or whatever I said I was going to write about). I am 1) too tired for large assignments and 2) not feeling that Kerouac needs a whole 12 page essay on him. I'd rather just read his books and feel him.

But this is what getting an education means. So, I reluctantly comply.

I really just want to be eating bread with jam and reading Miss Smilla's Feeling for Snow by Peter Høeg. (The Danish title looks particularly beautiful: Frøken Smillas Fornemmelse for Sne)

It is an excellent book by the way. I am not really a fan of mystery novels. If I want thrill I'll just watch a movie. But this seems to be in an entirely different league.

It's about this woman named Smilla Jaspersen who is half-Greenlandic. She was born in Thule (Qaanaaq), Greenland where she spent most of her childhood. She now lives in Copenhagen and gets embroiled in this web of mystery regarding Danish-Greenlandic relations and sectrets and shipping. What makes it particularly a good read is the main character:

Smilla Jaspersen is in her late 30s and she is a very headstrong, cynical woman. Her insights on human nature and humanity are brilliant. She also conjures up many memories from her Greenlandic childhood which are fascinating in themselves. She comments on what its like living in a major European city from the perspective of someone from the tundra, basically.

This has made me very fascinated with Greenland. I hardly knew that people could live there! It does have a very small population, but it is a nation of Inuits with a very distinct and unique culture embedded in tradition and folklore.

I must do more research on this! (Though, I should be churning out a bibliography and writing scores of prose on Kerouac).

Carob Chip #459,706

Unrelated photo. I was intending to write a little ditty on this Jasper John's exhibit I saw at the Met a few weeks ago - but I have other more urgent and pressing matters on my mind like:

- Why wasn't I born Scottish?

- Where can I get my hands on some retired vhs tapes?

- If I we were born with no knees would we really have evolved into the super beings we are today?

Well, only kidding - these are answerable:

- Because God hates me

- Goodwill (but sacrificing quality)

- Yes - but we'd be doing the goose walk and then what would there be to distinguish us from nazis?

I read an interesting article today in "Philosophy Now" (a magazine I've never heard of until today) - it stod out to me on the magazine rack because there was this picture of an eyeball and it said "PARANOIA" in large alluring letters. Obviously I had to get my greasy mitts on it.

Anyway - this particular article had something to do with Kierkegaard and self-deception. I'm a little fuzzy on the details - you know how all that philosophy stuff goes - but it said that most humans don't think that they would ever decieve themselves or are capable of it. Which, of course, is actually untrue - people are decieving themselves all the time. For instance there is a large collection of people out there (we will lable them the "average citizens") who think they have very deep-rooted beliefs and can't imagine every sacrificing these beliefs: but usually when convenient they do. HOWEVER they don't actually think they are compromising any values.

Exhibit A: someone is morally opposed to stealing yet pirates boatloads of music and movies off of the internet. Becasue this person is not actually going into a store and stealing that crap they are decieving themselves into thinking they are still adhering to their orginal code of not-stealing. Or something.

This is relevant because I have been having an inner-dialouge about whether or not I should pierce my face in some fashion. I pride myself on looking tinge abnormal (nothing extreme, mind you, but enough to separate me from the drones in my presence) but I have always felt that a piercing of somesort might place me in a whole new stratasphere of "uniqueness" or some crap like that. But, by thinking a piercing would make me unique is a form of self-deception. Piercings have become in themselves another form of conformity. They are now the cop-out crutch people use to feign whatever artistic image they're trying to give off. So, I don't think I'll be sticking that needle in my face at this juncture in time. Thank you Kierkegaard.

Its easy to decieve yourself.

Like I've been eating great handfuls of Carob chips (because they're so damn good and dairy free) but I keep thinking I'm actually eating chocolate chips becasue of their uncanny resemblence! Unheard of!

Ramble.

Alopecia I think not

So, I am really goddamned bored. So bored that I decided to shave a decent portion of hair off the right side of my head. I do not regret this (really). I do admit, it looks a bit strange and gives me a bad-ass air that I don't really think I deserve. But frankly, I am so fucking tired of the monotony. Yes yes yes my life is altering dramatically blah blah blah but PLEASE I have 8 weeks until graduation and NOTHING is happening in those 8 weeks.

Life changing events really like to take their sweet time. I mean, so many transitions! But I've been saying that for months and it just keeps dragging on and I mean COME ON PEOPLE I need something

So I've just been watching Daria on youtube, thinking about my head, eating pretzels and feeling like a fat lazy tard. But suprisingly, I'm kind of....happy? Whatever that means in my sick and twisted little world.

My dad is weird.

He doesn't like my irrational change of hair style because he doesn't think its original enough. He says anyone can shave off a clump of hair and look artsy or alternative or whatever the hell they want - its too easy. He does have a point. This coming from a man who used to wear lederhosen...in public.

But I'm not doing it to look "different" I was okay with they way I looked before (well, as okay as a teenage girl can be). I just want to shake things up a bit. I have college to try and be attractive. If I'm going to do something ugly I may as well do it now. And so I have.